Lately, I have run into many friends seeking love and being frustrated with their situation. This seems to be in the air and all around us including on statuses on Facebook and questions like the following on Quora:
I’m a nice girl. Why can’t I meet a nice guy and fall in love? and I’m a nice guy. Why can’t I meet a nice girl and fall in love?
Struggling for love?
Love is all about what you have to offer rather than “what you want”. Even when it is about what you want (and can be), your need should not be out of desperation but out of personal growth on top of already good life.
So, like the girl posing the question, what you need to do is first and foremost “Fall in love with yourself”. At this you may say “of course” I love myself. In that case are you:
- standing up for yourself with others who may not agree with yo u or do you doubt yourself when questioned
- do you enjoy your own company to the point where you do not need others to make you feel good or not be bored
- do you walk away from people who you deep inside know that are not your type or not aligned to your way of life – this is the classic reason why many “party” even though they may not enjoy it
- do you present yourself “as you are” and do not “be nicer” or “cooler” or more “intellectual” than you are
- do you find yourself wondering what the other person likes so that you can mold yourself a bit here and a bit there – a classic example here is masses wanting to lose weight through liposuction rather than be healthy through exercise and better care of self
- do you accommodating others constantly on what activities to do etc. and then find others end up almost abandoning you – why won’t they, you abandoned yourself (your preferences) before they did
- do you feel that if you love someone enough, they will love you back?
Having said that its important that one develops oneself adequately and consistently focus on self if one is to attract right person in their life. In fact “finding you” and “being you” should be the most important thing in your life.
Knowing yourself and being yourself is the ONLY THING that works. Many times we stop being ourselves to get love – that comes through at the subconscious level and pushes away even the right guy. No one loves a person who is desperate for external love (even if it is subtle) and the right person is attracted to the person who loves themselves.
Live and Become Love
Looking attractive, impressing with your credentials, or your “nice” nature does not work in the long run. What works is “Living your life fully” and becoming “love”. Becoming love is different than just giving love unilaterally. It is about being in state of love with life as a whole. Being active in life, being vibrant, contributing, learning and doing all those things that make life beautiful.
Often I hear people say, “If only I had love, I would be so much happier”. If you are happy you will have love.
So, forget about getting a boyfriend (or girlfriend) and go Salsa dancing, or trekking or learn to paint and meet new people just because you love to know people and rest will just be automatic.
Be yourself, love will find you.