Life is a long journey with a lot of ups and downs, we all give our best to keep moving and keep growing but very few of us can do it alone. We all need support and the best support there is affection of others. While this is so true human race is becoming more and more silo-ed into smaller and smaller units such as focus on individual and nuclear family. For better quality of life we need to move towards a community that is bonded by support and affection. We may not need to help each other financially or in other ways if only supported through affection.
Affection is a tender feeling toward another; a fondness for them as a person. Affection is not just a balm to soothe our hurt self it is also the fuel for growth. While there is no debate on the need for and value of affection, there surely is a high level of stinginess we humans show when it comes to being affectionate.
Institutionalized Fear of others
An undivided human race would never be able to be controlled by the clergies and priests, by the politicians and many others who have made it their business to control masses through the politics and morality of fear and tools of “divide and conquer”. Today, besides national boundaries, there are boundaries being created around state, language, race, religion, age, gender/sex and we are made every “ian”, “ist”, but human. They surely have succeeded as today we have much easier time saying “I love my car” then saying “I love my neighbor”
You need Power, only when you want to do something Harmful, otherwise Love is Enough to get everything done…..Charlie Chaplin
Today we fear that someone else will steal our opportunity, instead of understanding that there is plenty for everyone and together we can create even more.
Loss of control
Forget the global level boundaries, today this fear has seeped into families and our close relationships. We have started believing that if we are affectionate then we will loose control over other person. Not talking to each other, not acknowledging each other, detaching yourself from others in family at the slightest disagreement, means that basically we are teaching our kids and each other that “affection is to be traded for good behavior” and that we are not worthy of affection for being ourselves.
Day in day out I see, husband trying to deprive wife of love / affection so that “she will learn her lessons”, fathers trying to control a teenage child by being critical of him constantly. Deep down they fear they will loose control if they are affectionate. This by far is one of the biggest misunderstanding of life and love. As a matter of fact, it is only through affection that we open the channels for connecting and creating better relationships and better life for all concerned.
The fact is that people are good, Give people affection and security, and they will give affection and be secure in their feelings and their behavior. Abraham Maslow
Affection is natural
Once we drop all distinctions, man made boundaries and our self-interest – you will find that true affection is our nature. That it not comes easy, it nourishes our and others soul. Even Dalia Lama said “We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection.” Another important thing to remember is Buddha said, “You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
Be kind to yourself of your needs, wants, and shortcomings. Only then will you feel affection for yourself and others.
“You can talk with someone for years, everyday, and still, it won’t mean as much as what you can have when you sit in front of someone, not saying a word, yet you feel that person with your heart, you feel like you have known the person for forever…. connections are made with the heart, not the tongue.” ― C. JoyBell C.
In the end analysis:
People may forget what you said,
People may forget what you did,
People will never forget how you made them feel.