Personality development, Image Consultants, Grooming, Etiquette, Persuasiveness seem to be the buzzwords around giving people confidence to build their career and relationships.
When I look at success and role of relationships and communication skills I realize that our intentions of in the relations is the core of what defines our success. Yet, I see many of the trainers and individuals focus on the make up and forget the individual. They will teach us or we will emphasis how to “confidently present” or “how to persuade” but I realized that until there is an internal alignment communication will fail or at best produce surface results which are temporary and lead to frustration.
During my over 17 years of professional experience and a lot more personal – I realized that in the toughest conflict situation – other parties stuck with me – gave a chance and it was based on them feeling that my intentions were aligned to theirs.
Once you align your intentions to others goals – they want you to win. Even if they know it is going to be struggle, they want to be supportive. When intentions are aligned there is an inherent trust and small mistakes and detours don’t ring alarm bells.
Here are simple examples of such intentions:
- being focused on producing quality product rather than getting paid better
- being focus on the quality of relationship rather than short term benefits
- being there for people when I have nothing to gain
- believing and working hard to create an all round Win-Win outcomes
- willing to let go of business when you can’t provide the best solution
- willing to admit when you make a mistake – and intend to learn and improve
- willing to learn from others with the intentions of giving better results
Before you can be effective in any communication your intentions have to clear and they have to focus on the value you intend to add to the other party, the client, the project or the situation at hand. If your intentions are purely selfish or are to just get by your communication will not be powerful regardless of the words you choose, or how well you deliver the messages.
Bottomline is human being are inherently tuned to sense intentions, once they sense intentions that are manipulative its an uphill battle and no communication will work. On the positive side, when I have had strong positive intentions, despite my confrontational styles clients and others have been patient and supportive of me. Intentions is what empowers the communication and relationships.