I have been called arrogant many times and I kept wondering if I really was that arrogant or rigid? How do I figure this out? I have varied experiences, where I have been also considered deeply loving, caring and humble too. Can I really be so split in personality or is there something else at play here? May be this is a matter of definition that people apply as to what is arrogance.
When I split my experiences and feedback from people, I realized that they f ell into two buckets based on the fundamental value alignment between me and the individuals in the situation. Invariably what I did was considered arrogant by individuals who fundamentally had a different belief system on matter at hand as well as at a broad level. And conversely my actions were completely accepted by people with whom my value system aligned.
Here are the lessons that I see from these reflections:
• If I don’t act as you please – I am not arrogant
• If I expect others to act as I please – I am arrogant
• Arrogance is not a matter of agreeing or obeying – It is a matter of respecting others individuals right to live their life as they please – however much ever we dislike it
So what is humility – in the end it will serve us more to focus on that:
• Allowing others to be as they please
• Respecting your right to be “you” and having the courage to be “you” without fear of others judgment
• Not having ill will towards others; not harboring the feeling of ill will towards anyone or the universe
• Understanding that we are after all not that important in big scheme of thing yet being ourselves is our utmost spiritual duty
I leave you with a short and simple quote:
Pride makes us artificial and humility makes us real. Thomas Merton
So now I know which category I fall into, since I do not consider you as arrogant ;). The points about what you learnt about arrogance and humility were beautiful, and this is definitely one of the best posts ever written by you.
Let me share one incident. I know one celeb who is considered arrogant. But the ones who know him closely say that he is a highly positive guy and also very friendly. So where’s the disconnect? That celeb says what he believes in, without getting diplomatic. At the same time he doesn’t spend time thinking “if I say this, people would think this about me” etc. So that’s where the point of not acting as per what others please comes in.
Generally,whenever one says the truth about something or someone it may be termed as “Wisdom” or “Arrogance” depending upon the opinion people carry about the person in comparison to themselves. If a person is deemed to be superior then it is termed as an insight or wisdom.However if people find the same person to be inferior then it is termed as arrogance.
Generally “soft words” were used to convey the truth in less hurtful manner, however over the time they grew into an easy way to hide it. In general no one likes to be told that their actions were not wise and they erred,everyone prefers to be appreciated for their efforts. There are only few who accept it and grow.
Arrogance stems from the fact that we always want to believe we are superior than others and hence build a wall around us to ward off criticisms. Our own weakness leads us to belittle others in order to feel superior and this leads to arrogance.
“Humility” in a sense is to understand your own weakness, accept your mistakes and use diplomacy only to avoid hurting people and speak the truth in a soft manner.