We all intend to be there for our loved ones and the ones we are work closely with. Along with good intentions we also put in a lot of effort in the being supportive. We worry, we reach out and try harder to show our love in the ways we feel is right and many a times it just does not work and creates more frustration for both sides! Why is that so? What can we do better?
Its their journey
First and foremost thing we have to learn is that why we may be able to “Support” someone but we really can’t help them. In the end it is their journey and their choices. Even the thought that someone needs your help is the cause of more angst and creates frustrations in relationships. The reason for this is – even your thought that someone needs help communicates at a subtle level that they are were or “not ok”.
Also many times we jump into situations because of how we feel about the situation – “Oh I can’t see you this way”, “this is injustice and should not allowed” etc. Again here we have to remind ourselves what we feel about a situation others are going through does not matter until our opinion is asked (of course except when it is clearly illegal or criminal).
Being reflective rather than initiating anything means that essentially the actions do not originate from your feelings, void, or needs but are merely a “reflection” what others send you. This assures that you are “truly being there for the other” in a way that they are seeking and hoping. No more – no less.
Even when your journeys are intertwined like in case of close relationship – all we can do is choose for ourselves after clearly communicating and affording other party alternatives and choose to wait and support in ways the explicitly ask. At least by not interfering early or often you will retain your ability to be there later on and them feeling comforting seeking support.
Always remember – offer support but let then let them come to you and only provide incremental support when asked. Let people find their solutions and walk their way.